I can't believe it. I did it. I killed a man. He was right there, and I didn't even mean to actually kill him, I just saw him and he was the enemy so I threw the grenade, purely without thinking. He was so young. He probably had a lot going for him. Probably just a nice guy, going to school to be a math teacher or something. Planning a future with a girl. They were probably going to get married. I'll never forget his eye. There was a star shaped hole right through it. "His jaw was in is throat...". Kiowa sat beside me the entire time, telling me to stop staring, trying to get me to get up. "Tim, it's a war. The guy wasn't Heidi- he had a weapon, right? It's a tough thing, for sure, but you got to cut out the staring.", he said.
This war, war in general, it really changes you. I never in my life thought I'd ever have to do that. I mean, you don’t think about that sort of thing growing up as a kid. You aren't sayin' "Mommy I wanna kill people when I grow up", you know? But, here I am, fighting in this war I hate, doing all I can to survive and to keep my fellow soldiers alive with me. The thing is though, I haven't even been here long...
Approch to the Inmost Cave is the seventh stage in the Hero Journey. This is when the hero is preparing himself for the ultimate test, the Ordeal itself. Tim posts here about how he kills a man in battle with a grenade. O'Brien was very upset with himself in the story because he never even wanted to come to war, and now he has ended up killing a person. This post represents Approch to the Inmost Cave because by killing the man, he is able to see that war is a changing experience; it is very different from being in college, in his ordinary world. Killing the man prepares him for all that he will face as he continues to fight in the war, and it strengthens him for the upcoming journey.
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